Happily married people are physically healthier, more contented, and wealthier than their single counterparts. Furthermore, if you are happily connected, you have a stronger immune system, live longer, and have more sex. The mental and physical health benefits of being lovingly attached are scientifically well documented.
Does this describe your relationship or does your spouse feel more like a stranger—or maybe even enemy–than a lover or soul mate? Has the business of life, pushed out your love life and feelings of marital intimacy? Do you feel like you have to do something soon or your relationship may not survive?
If you’ve fallen or are falling into a relationship stand off or worse, you do not have to accept this as the way it is and just wait for the end as things get worse and worse. Many, maybe even most, relationships can not only be saved but also transformed into the fulfilling adoring partnerships that they once promised to be.
I have a passion for helping couples re-create their relationships, and I can help you fulfill the promise you saw in each other when you first fell in love. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC 38442) and a Master Certified Relational Life Therapist, I help couples, families, groups and individuals. It’s not easy, but with my guidance and your commitment and persistence together we can foster the conditions that will allow both of you to thrive in your relationship.
Our first task is to get an accurate picture of what is going on in your relationship. We need to know what works and what doesn’t. I will gather information about the patterned ways in which you interact with your partner. I need to find out your reality and your partner’s reality. How are they different? What are your patterns? Where are you stuck?
Before we go too far, we will talk about what each of you wants from therapy. Do you want the same thing? Do you both want this relationship or does one of you have a foot out the door? This is painful to look at, but necessary for effective couples counseling. Successful marriage counseling begins with clarity about what motivates you.
Next, I will guide you toward developing a compelling vision for your relationship. I will invite you to agree to a non-binding contract of a minimum of 12-16 weeks to go to work. During that time we will create and implement a thoughtful plan for how you will improve your marriage.
Primarily based on Relational Life Therapy (RLT), the groundbreaking work of Terry Real. RLT is educational, action-oriented, and provocative. The focus is on action and doing, rather than on talking and seeking insight. The first and most important goal of RLT is simple: Teach people how to live relationally.
Relational Life Therapy is based on the assumption that your relationship is a practice, something like mindfulness meditation. Your relationship is buil moment by moment, a little at a time. Our goal is to get very clear on patterns that are creating pain and disconnection and replace them with new patterns.
It is critical that we interrupt your dance and replace it with healthy new ways to talk to each other. One way we do that is by slowing your conversations down and having one of you speak while the other one listens. You will learn that the Speaker and the Listener are different roles with different requirements and you will get a lot of practice doing both.In our sessions together, you will come to understand the ecology of your relationship and to integrate that learning into day-to-day actions that lead you to cherishing your partner. You will learn to be more loving, and behave in compassionate, mutually-beneficially ways with your partner and stop competing.
so that you will have a way to work through the problems that are giving your relationship heartburn”
And, of course you will learn to communicate better so that not only can you complain constructively, but so that you can listen generously to and empower your partner with your words.
We will break trouble spots down into simple bite size steps so that you will have a way to work through the problems that are giving your relationship heartburn. You will come to understand how to stop acting like two completely separate entities that happen to share a space, to developing the emotional maturity that comes from interdependence.
Once you learn to become interdependent—to develop an effective dependency on each other—you will learn how to master your self-esteem and negotiate your inter-relational boundaries, so that your relationship is a true thriving life partnership.