Help For Couples Considering Ending Their Marriages
“We tried couple’s counseling. It didn’t work. We really don’t want to get divorced, but at this point, we don’t feel like we have a choice.”
This all-too-common sentiment expressed by divorcing couples has a past tense lamentable tone to it. Frequently, people who are considering divorce look to traditional marriage counseling for help. Too often they end up empty-handed weeks/months/years and hundreds/thousands of dollars later…and divorced.
Don’t call it quits because you didn’t get the help you deserve.
If you are in a relationship on the brink of divorce, standard “couples therapy” isn’t the answer. Discernment Therapy is.
Discernment Therapy was created exclusively to help you make this important decision. Discernment Therapy offers a complete exploration of your ambivalence, which needs to happen before launching into full-scale couples counseling. The purpose of couple’s therapy is to build intimacy. If you are considering divorce, intimacy may be the last thing you want. Treatment as usual seems to be missing a step.
Discernment Counseling is a new kind of therapy to help couples who think they may want to divorce or have mixed agendas: One wants to fix the marriage, one wants to end it. This therapy was developed by Dr. William Doherty (University of Minnesota) after a family court judge commented to him that a striking number of couples in divorce court handled it so well that he wondered why they were splitting up at all.
Discernment Counseling is short term, usually just 5-7 sessions, and highly focused on sorting out the issues and fully seeing the complexities of your marriage. Session time is divided between the couple and each individual. The focus is not on solving marital problems per se, but on thoughtfully exploring their potential for being solved. If both partners can be convinced that finding a solution is possible, then, and only then, would they agree to engage in couple’s counseling.
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Take the time you need to be sure.
The Benefits of Discernment Counseling
The goal is to achieve clarity about a complex and difficult situation, rather than rushing to make a decision that is arguably one of the most important in your life. The implications of this decision will last a very long time, particularly if you have children. Discernment Counseling gives you time for a pause to consider all of the parts.
Usually, one spouse is more interested in reconciliation, this is the LEANING IN spouse. The other is the LEANING OUT spouse. This person is less hopeful, more ambivalent about returning to the relationship wholeheartedly. An important note here: Both positions are accepted exactly where they are. Neither spouse is pressured to be different.
Benefits of Discernment Therapy, you will:
• Gain the certainty you did all you could to save your marriage
• Get support for the various aspects of ending your marriage
• Reduce the emotional pain of ending your marriage and… leave your marriage well.
If you are Leaning In, you will receive guidance regarding how to save your marriage. If you are Leaning Out, you will be supported in making the best decision possible, all things considered.
Discernment Counseling is a pressure free zone to slow things down, while moving toward the clarity and confidence required for making this life-changing decision. I’d be happy to answer any questions about your specific situation.