By Savanna Zar AMFT

Do you think it’s selfish to take care of yourself? Well, think again. Not only is it not selfish, it’s necessary! And it’s good for your relationship.

If you had to envision your ideal “me time,” what would it look like? A bath, spa day, mani/pedi? Maybe read a book at the beach? Ahhhh yes. Sounds lovely!

So, the other night, I decided to take a bath. Everything was perfect. I showered, drew the bath, put my face mask on. Then, I lit some candles, made a relaxing playlist, got a glass of wine. Just when I dropped the bath bomb in, I realized I had used all the hot water in the shower.

I enjoyed a whole five minutes of warm water until the temperature was FREEZING!

Meanwhile I’m complaining, my husband starts boiling a pot of hot water for my bath mumbling to himself “who takes a shower before a bath?

Have you had times when you were looking forward to some self-care and it didn’t go as planned? Times that left you sitting in a cold bath? My metaphor for failed “me-time.” Even still, it was a worthy endeavor.

I asked my husband what his idea of self-care is for this blog post. He said “building things/tinkering, eating good food, watching a movie with my lady, and fishing/diving.” See how different it is for everyone?

Self-care is important. In order to function and show up at our best for our everyday duties, we need the ability to unwind. If we’re not careful, things that we deem “a priority” can overtake our much needed self-care.

If you’re feeling guilty about prioritizing yourself, think of it this way – if you penciled self-care in your calendar as if it was a work obligation (ex: “Client” or “1 hour meeting”) you’d make it happen. And, your partner/home life would both work around it and benefit from it.

Just like you go to work and get paid, you arrange for self care and get paid….in mental wellness. It’s equally important. As a therapist, I see many clients after there’s been a major conflict. Their mental health is suffering as a result of being burnt out, tired, and emotionally drained.

We can better manage our stress and show up in our relationships if our batteries get to recharge every now and then.